We all have an inner critic. That’s not a bad thing, on its own. In fact, that little voice prodding you to finish your work before EOD and hit the gym on your way home is one of the things that keeps your life from flying off the rails.
But sometimes your inner critic acts more like an inner heckler. You’re probably familiar with what professionals call negative self-talk: It’s internal commentary, but of the stripe that feels unnecessarily harsh, judgemental, and critical. And it has real consequences. “Negative self-talk is a common barrier to mental well-being, and these forms of inner dialogue can hold us back by reinforcing self-doubt and anxiety,” says Ronald Hoang, a registered clinical counsellor and psychotherapist.
One of the most pernicious qualities of negative self-talk is that it is typically years in the making—often stemming from external comments or criticism we received and internalized early on. But in the short term, there are ways to turn down the volume—and, eventually, switch out our more punishing narratives for something more positive. Mostly. “The goal is not to never have negative self-talk ever again, but rather to help us be with the self-talk differently,” says Steven Floyd, LCSW, CASAC, a psychotherapist based in New York, NY.
“Overcoming negative self-talk requires mindfulness, awareness, and practice. Using these strategies, you can reframe your inner dialogue and build a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself,” says Hoang. “Each step helps create a more resilient mindset, empowering you to navigate challenges with greater ease and confidence.”
Take inventory of your negative self-talk
The first step in tackling negative self-talk is to tune into its frequency and start paying attention. “Many times, we are so wrapped up in automatic processing of events in our lives that we aren’t actually aware of the content of our thoughts,” says Nathan Baumann, PhD, a clinical psychologist based in Denver, CO.
Dr. Baumann recommends making a note each time you experience negative self-talk, ideally using a journal. These notes will be helpful later, but for now, all you’re doing is taking stock: gaining a better understanding of how you speak to yourself, and identifying any recurring themes.
“Because our thoughts create our emotions, and our emotions drive our behavior, it’s important to intervene before that cascade occurs,” says Lauren Farina, MSW, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist, performance coach, and founder of Invited Psychotherapy and Coaching. “I encourage my clients to notice when they feel emotional distress, then write the thought down. This awareness is often enough for us to recognize the maladaptive nature of a thought and stop it in its tracks.” The sooner you start monitoring your negative self-talk, the sooner you can begin adjusting your inner monologue.
Try to understand where it came from
Now that you’re keeping tabs on your negative self-talk, it’s a lot easier to look at it holistically—and objectively. “Negative self-talk thrives when we treat it as fact. Instead, approach it with curiosity,” says Floyd. “Psychological flexibility—the ability to observe your thoughts without rigid attachment—is a cornerstone of mental health.”
